What’s the Best Gift You Can Give Your Family This Holiday?

“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” ~Dr. Seuss

It’s not too late. You can still get this gift for your kids this Christmas and it will last all year-long. And you don’t have to spend a dime. Have you guessed what it is? That’s right…UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! What is unconditional love? Unconditional Love is the greatest gift you can give your children or other loved ones this Christmas. It’s accepting a person, faults and accomplishments, no matter what they do. Pure and Simple.

If asked, I’m sure you’d say that you love your children and other family members unconditionally. That is, until they do something annoying or something you feel isn’t good for them.

What is conditional love? It’s when you might think or even say to your children or another person what you don’t like about them. Or it’s how you think they could live their life better, usually your way of doing things. I see people giving conditional love everywhere, especially with children. I’ve done it myself. I’ve had it done to me. Remember when you were “good” as a child, you felt loved. If you were “bad”, that love disappeared. I can hear many parents say to themselves: “If only she had better grades. If only he were better at sports. If only she made more money. If only he kept a neater room.” If only, if only, if only. When a person is loved conditionally, he or she knows it. It gives a child a sense of unworthiness.

My great Aunt Erna gave me some advice to me before I got married: “to care more for happiness of the other person more than you care for yourself.” I thought to myself, “Now why can’t we care for ourselves and another person at the same time. But over the years I’ve learned that when you really love someone, you do want more for them than for yourself. It’s Real Love. My mother always told me she’d love me no matter what I did. I remember one day asking her if she’d love me if I murdered someone. She said that she would. That conversation really stuck.

Unconditional love is understanding that if the people we love make foolish mistakes or disappoint us, and that we love them just as much anyway. This kind of love binds us together in ways we can’t imagine. It’s the love you want for yourself. And amazingly if you give that love, you often get the same love back.

Some people think that if you show unconditional love to your children that you’re not setting boundaries or limits anymore and that your children will walk right over you. Not so. Showing this love is simply a different way of talking. For instance, if your toddler is biting, you can say, “Biting is bad” not “You’re bad when you bite”. Or if your teenager is what you consider lazy, don’t say “You’re lazy!” but “I think you’d be much happier with a job and making money.” It’s all how you say it. This way will become a habit over time and you’ll notice a change with your children.

So here’s some advice for giving the gift of unconditional love, the gift that keeps giving all year-long!

1. Hold your tongue when you feel like criticizing, nagging or getting angry. Reevaluate if it’s worth mentioning and remember…it’s the behavior that’s bad not the child. Try to be unattached to the bad behavior and take the anger and emotion out.

2. Treasure your children (and the other people in your life). Don’t wait for a tragedy to realize how important they are in your life.

3. Another thing I like to do is find a picture of them as a baby or when they’re between 1-5 years old. I remember this perfect baby/child/person my child is. And I see that same person the next time I see them. You feel the same flow of unconditional love for your child that you did when he was a baby. And they feel your love come through.

4. Unconditional love does not spoil your child.

5. When I’m mad or disappointed in my children, I sometimes imagine that something has happened to them. This may sound gruesome but I imagine that they have cancer and their head has no hair or that they’re in a wheel chair. My eyes will always fill with tears. Then I’ll think about what I’m mad or worried about and decide it’s not so bad at all!

6. A friend mentioned to me that sometimes she has to “fake it til she makes it”. In other words be excited for whatever your child is into even or especially if you disapprove!

So your homework is to give the people you love unconditional love this holiday. It’s the gift that will keep on giving for the rest of their lives.