Imagine you are on a trip. You’re carrying a very cumbersome piece of baggage. At the time you were packing, it seemed smart to bring all that with you. You had imagined certain future situations, certain outfits you would need, shampoos to keep you clean and shoes for every occasion, books to read and notebooks to write in.
Now that you’re on your journey you realize the baggage is too heavy. What were you thinking? A small bag or backpack would have worked with the few clothes that you’re wearing everyday anyway.
Life can be like that suitcase. Heavy, cumbersome, hard to carry around. But what if you had the light backpack or an easy suitcase with wheels? It would be easy to move around on your journey.
WHAT ARE THE OBSTACLES TO LETTING GO?
“Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.”
~ Henry Ford
What obstacle could you take out of your bag to make it light and easy to carry? These obstacles are often a place, a failure in life, an ideal, a person, or material objects. It’s hard to choose because we are attached to these problems. Change is hard to make. Many people are defined by the the obstacles in their life.
A Place:
A place has power, good or bad. Maybe you don’t want to move from where you live, but must for financial reasons. Or maybe you don’t want to go home, especially if you had an unhappy childhood. Places are filled with memories and emotions.
A Failure:
Facing a failure means coming out of denial and accepting the consequences. This could be many things; a job, a relationship or not getting into the college you wanted. Maybe it’s a failure of a loved one. Sometimes being a success can hold you back, too. You might think to yourself, “I can never do as well as I did the last time.”
An Ideal:
Ideals are your idea of perfection in life like: I should be married by now. I should be living in a certain type of house. I should be 10 pounds lighter. My children should be potty trained now. I thought I’d be out of debt by now.
A Person:
A person is the most difficult to let go, whether it’s a death, disappointment with the person or letting go of what appeared to be true love.
Material Objects:
Materialism is a cultural problem. Often our self image come from our houses, cars, clothes and other possessions.
How Do We Detach and Let Go?
“When I let go of what I am,
I become what I might be.”
~ Lao Tzu
Think about releasing the need to control. Simply allowing your problem to be. Acceptance and surrender of the problem so that a change or a shift can occur. It is often a daunting task to let go, but often easier than holding on. Letting go can turn to relief. However, letting go can be extremely difficult.
Here are some things I practice when I need to let go:
1. Become Awakened To Reality – Be honest with what is happening in your life. Don’t be in denial. Be upfront with yourself.
2. Let go of ego – You are the authority on the subject of you, right? Well, time to step down and be humble.
3. Meditate – Whether you formally meditate or clear your head by taking walks , do something that clears the chatter in your head.
4. Be Open To Change – If you are open to change then your life can begin to change. You cannot change your life if you are not open.
5. Practice Mindfulness – See each day as a clean slate, a new day. Focus on the present. See the little things in nature. Eat slowly by chewing more and putting your fork down.
6. Become a Zen Mama (Parent) – This requires that you have a different reaction to worry and other negative emotions. Remember, being a Zen Mama doesn’t mean you’ve given up! It means you’re seeing life differently.
7. Make A List of the good things in your life – This helps you to see the ways that your glass isn’t just 1/2 full, it’s overflowing.
8. Change your mindset - “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Change your reaction to the problem.
9. Let time pass – A lot of what we worry about never happens anyway. I call this the “It won’t matter a year from now” technique. Ask yourself, will this matter a year from now? It usually won’t.
10. Forgive - Forgives others and yourself. It’s time.
11. Add Humor – It isn’t always easy to find humor. Laugh at yourself and your obstacles. If you can’t laugh at your problem, then laugh at a funny show, tell some jokes, or practice some Laughter Yoga.
12. Use Positive Affirmations – Positive affirmations are a way of changing how you look at a problem. “I am free of problem. I feel filled with relief”.
13. Expect nothing today – Try a day of no expectations. Each time you feel an expectation, release it. (ex. I expect my child to be on time. I expect co-worker to be nice today. I expect dinner to be on the table when I get home. I expect dishes to be in dishwasher.)
14. Stop judging – yourself and others. This also includes gossiping.
15. Trust – Everything is unfolding as it should.
We all have problems. We all have obstacles. Today unpack your suitcase a little. Begin to let go.
To Let Go is not to care for, but to care about.
To Let Go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To Let Go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To Let Go is not to be in the middle of arranging all outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own destinies.
To Let Go is not to be protective, but to permit others to face reality.
To Let Go is to fear less, and to love more.
~Author unknown
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Thanks, Betsy!
Exactly what I needed today!
Greetings,
Stephany
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Betsy Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 7:04 am
Stephany,
It was just what I needed for myself, too!
Hope reading it helped you! Writing helped me.
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Hey Betsy,
In the last 9 months I let go of my car (gave it away) and we sold our cottage in Northern Michigan last week. Big stuff. Just recently I let go of a big deadline for a project I was struggling with. Yesterday I made a decision to let go of a person in my life. Movin’ n groovin’ xo
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Betsy Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 7:05 am
Tess,
I loved your post about giving your car to your daughter. And now your cottage. It makes you feel light, doesn’t. I, too, let go of a deadline for a project and I think the project will be better because of it. Keep movin’ n groovin’! xoxo
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Betsy…It’s a paradox this ‘letting go’….sometimes it’s like taking off my clothes and jumping into a hot shower…natural and refreshing. Other times I wrestle with myself to the ground. It is a life of opposites.
Letting go of ‘ego’ is HUGE. You literally have to be beyond vigilant to make more than a few cracks in the veneer. I’m working on it! Onward march! Fran
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Betsy Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 7:07 am
Fran,
I agree that the “letting go of ego” is huge. I never thought I had a big ego before. But it’s not ego in the traditional sense. Not like someone who thinks too highly of herself. Just the normal ego, like I’m a teacher or I’m a mother so I should know better.
Thanks for the comment!
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Sometimes less is so much more. Your 15 tips are wonderful and I practice most of them. It is true that letting go of a person is hardest. Time is usually a great healer, but for it to work, we’ve got to do our bit too proactively. Beginning to appreciate the things we have and practicing gratitude help tremendously.
Beautiful post with great words to live by.
Much love, Vidya
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Betsy Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 7:08 am
Vidya,
I couldn’t agree more with your statement, “Sometimes less in so much more”. I’m learning that one with all of our material items that I’m constantly going through and giving away. So glad you enjoyed the post!
Love, Betsy
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This is all awesome advice Betsy! The most effective thing I’ve done when I’m in a bad situation is to accept it and all the people in it just as they are. As soon as I let go of my resistance to everything and my trying to change what I can’t change, things magically change all by themselves.
I focus on choosing to be happy and doing things for myself that support that. Feeling better allows me attract better things.
I love the step to expect nothing for a day. We don’t realize how much we create our own unhappiness by setting all kinds of expectations that others aren’t aware of, usually, and we get upset because our expectations weren’t met. I see failure as simply not meeting someone else’s expectations.
Lots of great insight here! I love it!!
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Betsy Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 7:10 am
Paige,
You are so right about resistance to change. I often feel that resistance. These days it doesn’t take me quite as long to give it up but it’s still there. Yes, try the no expectation day. I did a couple days ago when I wrote this post. It’s liberating!
So glad you enjoyed!!
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Betsy, I’ve worked for a number of years on my ability to let things go, yet still find it can be a real challenge, depending on what I’m letting go of, and how entrenched it (or a person) is in my life. I do let go when I need to, but don’t always feel calm about it. You provide good tips to help with that!
I love your question of “will it matter a year from now?” I needed to hear that. A good way to put situations into perspective!
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Betsy Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 7:11 am
Christine,
I read that questions, “Will it matter a year from now?” or sometime similar in Richard Carlson’s book, “Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff”. I’ve been practicing that ever since. It does put things in perspective!!
Thanks for your comment!
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i like the post, its very inspiring
the quote in the picture is also awesome
thank you for sharing
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Betsy Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 7:12 am
So glad you enjoyed Farouk! I love that picture, too. I got it from a stock photography company and have been holding onto it for just the right quote. This one seemed to fit.
Thanks for your comment!
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Terrific guidance, dear Betsy. And may I offer a variation on the Lao Tzu quote:
“When I let go of what I am not, I become what I am.”
And love is what we are.
Thank you for the love that you are.
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Betsy Reply:
August 21st, 2012 at 7:13 am
Suzanne,
I love that variation! And so true, love is what we are!! I thank you for being here and thank you for your comment.
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Thank you for this post. You have reminded me of my goals to achieve a more minimalist lifestyle.
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I don’t consider myself to be a religious person, but yet, deeply spiritual. I’ve always loved the expression, “Let go and let God”. It’s nothing more than a surrendering process but it also intimates that we don’t have to be completely in charge of the process of letting go of the big things. There is a Divine Order in place that will handle it for us. That has always given me reassurance somehow; that if it’s (way) too difficult to do on my own, I can simply turn it over to the Source that knows my highest good. I loved your 15 things to assist in the process. Nice post, thanks.
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Betsy Reply:
August 23rd, 2012 at 7:28 am
Patricia,
As usual we are on the same page. My mother always said, “Let go and let God”. It’s such a relief if you can really do it!! Loved your latest post on letting go, too. I seem to need to let go every day. Some days more than others. Sigh..
Thanks your great comment!
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I love that quote – if we could only let go of our expectations of ourselves (largely determined by others!) we could could release the person we were meant to be!
Some wonderful ideas here to help us all ‘let go’!
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Hi Betsy,
Great post with wonderful tips to let go. I agree with all of them, but the one that really stands out with me is asking yourself it is going to matter in a year,
I also go as far to ask myself if i have any control over it or can change anything. If the answer is no I let go.
We can clutter up our life to much and it is like packing to much for a trip. Great example.
When i lost my mother I was having trouble letting go, until I started to remember all the good time and the joy she brought into my life. The smiles followed and i let go.
Thanks again for sharing they tips.
debbie
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This is a wonderful post. I’ve just started the process of letting go of stuff in my home. I’m on a 365-day purge and started my blog in order to hold myself accountable. I also hope to inspire others who may be feeling stuck with their stuff.
I used to be so neat and organized. After two deaths in our family and the “death” of my business and life as I knew it, I fell apart on a number of levels. Now I’m ready to take back my life, rebuild, create a wonderful “new” life for myself and those who are part of my life.
I look at my stuff with new eyes now. Some things I know I want to keep because I love them. Other things I can easily let go of. And the rest, the gray stuff, I ponder, consider, wonder, and question if I’m ready to let go. I’m looking forward to seeing how my place looks, and how my life looks, about a year from now.
Here’s my website, on Day 10 of the project: http://thejunkjam.wordpress.com/
Cheers! –Anne
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Hi Betsy,
Beautiful post. Letting go is something that is so necessary to live a truly peaceful life. I love 13. Expect nothing today and 14. Stop judging. They are all important lessons. This is one of the things I continue to work on. The weight of the world is lifted off your shoulders when you let go. Have a great rest of your week! Hugs!
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First let me say I thoroughly enjoyed every last drop of this post! love love love. Now, let me give you a little chuckle… when I first started reading about taking a trip and baggage, lol. I thought about just getting back from a little day trip we took yesterday… my husband would be that baggage, lol.. Not actually *him* but his attitude he brings when he’s driving. Made me crack up a little, thanks.
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I love your lists – and this one is no exception! Thanks for sharing!
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I am def. carrying an extremely heavy- heavy suitcase .
Thanks for the great post.
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Betsy Reply:
September 8th, 2012 at 8:37 pm
My Inner Chick,
I hope this helped you to lighten things up! Think of you,
Betsy
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