“Letting go doesn’t mean that you don’t care about someone anymore. It’s just realizing that the only person you really have control over is yourself.”
― Deborah Reber, Chicken Soup for the Teenage Soul
Who’s good at letting go? Not many I know. It seems like everyday there’s something new for me to let go of.
In 2009, as I raised my two oldest, teenage sons, I learned about Letting Go in order to be closer to my kids. Zen Mama was born. But I find I’m still learning about letting go all the time…. and when it’s important to hold on.
Like today, when no one seems to be communicating. I know… what do you expect from teenage boys but still… I mean really!
What do we need to let go of in life? In parenting? Let’s see there’s all sorts of things to let go… Attachment. Judging. People. Control. Old habits. Your thoughts. But wait these things define who we are! If we let go, what is left? The real, authentic you!
So tonight I go back to my Zen Mama tagline: Let Go, Get Closer.
If I can let go, I’ll be closer.
I sometimes hear: “Why should I let go?” “I don’t want to let go.” “I want to let go but I can’t.” “What is the best way to letting go?” “Letting go is irresponsible.” “You’ll be a bad parent if you let go.”
We want to hold on to the familiar. Even if the familiar isn’t all that great. Mothers and fathers are always doing this as we go on to the next stage with our children. It’s certainly important to hold on when safety is involved or serious health problems are involved. You are the only one who knows when it’s time to let go. But if something is bothering you, keeping you from enjoying your life, the problem or situation won’t let of you! This is the point when you need to let go to move on.
Here are some things I’ve learned to let go of since becoming a Zen Mama:
• Attachment to the outcomes.
• Perfection for yourself and others.
• Other’s opinions – I remember when I heard Wayne Dyer say, “You must let go of the ‘good opinions of others’ “. It makes so much sense.
• Monkey Mind – the little voices going around in your head. That’s not the real you.
• Anger/Disappointment and other Negative Thoughts that eat you alive.
• Physical Ailments – I got rid of a persistant headache a year ago by letting go with “I AM” statements.
So have a “let go” day or a “let go” week and see how it feels. Start with changing your reactions to the habits above. Then try to Practice the positive in the space left behind:
• Mindfulness and living in the now help us let go. I like taking a walk in nature or gardening to stay in moment.
• Trust and know that the universe is unfolding as it should. This is sometimes hard. Try saying it out loud!
• Forgiveness for your own sake. Even if you never plan on being with the other person or talking again, say “I forgive.”
• Health – choose to feel good! So often we talk and think about what’s wrong. Change the way you look at things!
• Positive Thinking will change you!
I recently read: “Your future will find you if you let go of your past.” It can be overwhelming at times. It helps if you have someone along with you to help through the letting go process, but you can do it on your own.
Letting go then can turn to a relief.
It’s human nature to want to hold on. Sometimes, though, we hold on long past when we should.
And yes, I let go of the need I have for constant communication with my children, and felt much better. And everything I was waiting to hear about turned out fine.
What have you had to let go of lately? How do you let go? Please comment below:
“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.”
“Sometimes letting things go is an act of far greater power than defending or hanging on.”
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