The Priceless Gift To Give Your Family and Friends

The gift:sstThere’s a beautiful gift you can give your family and friends. And, you don’t have to wait for Valentine’s Day or a birthday to give it. You don’t have to pay for it either. It doesn’t need a ribbon or bow. It can’t be wrapped in fancy paper. The recipient may not even know you’ve given them this. But they’ll feel it. And you, as the giver, will benefit, too.

What’s this amazing gift? It’s the gift of non-judgment. Judge less, accept and allow and you will find your life and relationships change.

Why should you stop judging? It seems obvious…

• You hurt other people.
• You hurt yourself.
• Judging people can really make you unhappy.
• You put negativity into the world.

Judging is an easy thing to do, a very human thing. We all do it, many times unintentionally. About three years ago, I decided not to judge anymore after an incident with a friend:

Several friends met in a little beach town for one friend’s birthday. We were having so much fun. The friends that were already there were having a little gossip about one friend that hadn’t joined us yet. I can’t believe it, but I joined in. At the time, it was fun to have a little gossip! It really brought us closer even. But then the other friend arrived. She’s a sensitive friend. In my guilt I sensed that she could feel it. Did she? Maybe, maybe not. But I learned later she didn’t have as much fun as she could have. Had I been a part of that? I vowed not to judge again.

I had finally realized the difference between making a judgment and of being compassionate. In letting go of judgment, you shed discrimination and prejudice. You have an open mind. You remain impartial yet concerned. You understand every side.

Letting go of judgment is not indifference; it’s letting of of attachment and feeling kindness, compassion, sympathy or love instead.

So your homework: Try a Judgment Free Day. Try a day of no expectations. Let go of perfection for yourself and for your family, friends and co-workers. When you feel the judgmental thought come, listen to it and then let it go.

For your Non-Judgment Day:

1. Start out by not judging yourself. Don’t worry if your hair doesn’t look good, you slept in, you ate too much etc… Be easy on yourself, enjoy yourself.

2. Try thinking some words of compassion like Namaste (“The divine light in me honors the divine light in you”) If you feel comfortable, you can put your palms together and put them in front of your heart. This sets you up in a place of compassion.

3. Imagine someone’s story. You may see things one way, but there’s always another story. Sometimes you only see the tip of the iceberg. As Walt Whitman says, “Be curious, not judgmental.”

4. Let go of your ego. It’s usually NOT about you. Don’t take things personally. Along with that let go of the need to be right. If you have to choose between being right or being kind, choose kindness. (That’s to Wayne Dyer for that last thought.) Also choose to allow and accept is the “antidote” to the ego.

5. Sometimes we gossip to impress others. Those people aren’t your friends. Remember you might be the next person they gossip about.

6. Look for the good, rather than bad. What you focus on can expand. So change the way you look at people and the people will change. (Or maybe you will!)

7. Rather than judge someone, offer to help. “How can I help you?” Maybe it’s just listening with an open mind and heart.

Humans are naturally judgmental. You are. I am. It is human nature. It’s time to let go of that natural judgment. Let go; be mindful. Maybe, just maybe, there will be less divisions in the world and we’ll be closer. Whether it’s just with your family or your friends, or even people you don’t know. You might try extending non-judgment to the whole human race.

I’d love to hear your stories of judgment/non-judgment below in the comments.

Here’s few of my Facebook posters that I’ve made to go with non-judgment:

Zentips:sri chinmoy:happiest

Zentips:Merton:reflection

Zentips:judgement:dalai lama

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This entry was posted in Changing Ourselves, Letting Go, Parenting, Positve Thought and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink.

18 Responses to The Priceless Gift To Give Your Family and Friends

  1. Hi Betsy,

    Lovely post indeed :)

    Yes, we are no one to judge others, and if we must, we need to look at ourselves first before pointing fingers or judging people. We need to accept people for who and what they are and change ourselves, instead of trying to change them, which only causes hurt on both sides. Awesome posters as well!

    Thanks for sharing. Happy new week :)

    [Reply]

    Betsy Reply:

    Harleena,
    I’m so glad you enjoyed the post! I agree with you that we must first look to ourselves both in judging or trying to change.
    I’m also happy you enjoyed the fb posters. I have so much fun making them.
    Hope you’ll have a wonderful up-coming week as well!

    [Reply]

  2. Hi Betsy,
    I admit that I struggle with this. I keep my “judgements” to myself however I can’t ignore my need to sneak one in now & then. There are scales of judgement & it’s only human nature, though the aim is to reduce them as Far as humanly possible. Thanks for this.
    Be good to yourself
    David

    [Reply]

    Betsy Reply:

    Hi David,
    I think we all struggle with it. My husband agrees with you – that judging is human and that we all do it and can’t stop. That’s why I thought a “judgment free day” might be a way to start. I like your idea of reducing it as well!
    Thanks for the comment!!

    [Reply]

  3. Hi Betsy,

    Your post is a good reminder to not judge. As you said, we can so easily fall into gossiping, and it creates those negative vibes going out in the atmosphere that don’t help anyone. Accepting people for who they are and knowing that is usually a story there that we are not aware of that makes them who they are. Take care.

    [Reply]

    Betsy Reply:

    Cathy,
    I couldn’t agree more about there being a story that we have no idea about yet. If we always keep that in mind, it will help us to keep from judging.
    Thanks for your insightful comment!

    [Reply]

  4. Hi Betsy! You are so right. Becoming non-judgemental is the best gift we can give others AND ourselves. I tend to believe that the harder we are on ourselves, the more demanding and exacting we are on others. When I can relax and allow myself to be who I am, I can more easily extend that to others. Thank you for the excellent reminders!!! ~Kathy

    P.S. Is your comment love not working? I see it checked but nothing is coming? Just thought I’d mention that :-)

    [Reply]

    Betsy Reply:

    Kathy
    Yes, it’s the gift that keeps on giving for both friends/family and ourselves! Good point on being able to be yourself around others who are non-judgmental! Glad you enjoyed!

    PS I’ve tried everything with my comment luv and can’t seem to get it back to working again. And of course they never answer emails. I’ll keep plugging along! But feel free to add your post at the bottom of any comments you make! Thanks!

    [Reply]

  5. Danelle Hill says:

    Betsy:
    Very well said!
    From my personal experience over these many years…it seem like when I hear myself thinking something quite judgmental about another, sure as heck in the next year or so I will find myself doing almost the exact same thing as I was judging. Now I cringe when I think those thoughts as I know what is out there for me in the upcoming months!
    Danelle

    [Reply]

    Betsy Reply:

    Thanks for the comment, Danelle! I laughed when I read what you wrote! I, too, do that so often.
    Especially with my kids!! Well, it makes for a great story! :)

    [Reply]

  6. This is the biggest message that I put out into the world since it is the biggest problem we have!

    [Reply]

    Betsy Reply:

    Jodi,
    Don’t you think it is the biggest message! So glad you’re spreading it around, too!!
    Thanks for the comment!

    [Reply]

  7. What a great reminder, Betsy. Love this post and the quotes. I do find myself judging sometimes when I don’t even realize it and then I’ll criticize myself for doing so.

    Lately I’ve been struggling with worry and fear surrounding health issues. Spent some quite time with your books lately to try and breathe more than I’ve been able to. While reading them I thought to myself “I wish Betsy could spend a weekend with me. Help me breathe and focus!” Thought you’d appreciate that. Thank you for always being inspiring. Best, Julie

    [Reply]

    Betsy Reply:

    Julie,
    I just loved reading this comment! How fun it would be to have a weekend together. In fact I’ve often thought it would be great to have a weekend retreat here in Colorado with talks, workshops, yoga and meditation. I’m so sorry about your worry with health. I hope you’re ok! I just had a two week cough and have never appreciated my health more! I did a lot of breathing and finally got back to doing some yoga and that helped. Check out that Andrew Weil breathing technique if you’ve never done it before: http://www.drweil.com/drw/u/VDR00112/The-4-7-8-Breath-Benefits-and-Demonstration.html. It also helps me to go back to sleep if I’m up in the middle of the night.
    Thinking of you!!
    xoxo Betsy

    [Reply]

  8. Damyanti says:

    So hard to do, and so worth it, if we can do it!

    Damyanti
    Co-host, A to Z Challenge 2014

    Twitter: @damyantig

    [Reply]

    Betsy Reply:

    Damyanti,
    It’s a habit so if we try a day here and there eventually the habit will take place! I’ve heard of your A to Z challenge at Vidya Sury’s website. Looking forward to checking it out!
    Thanks for the comment!

    [Reply]

  9. Melissa says:

    Beautiful my friend! We are all human and I know I still sometimes get drawn into mindless chatter or gossip. I never like the way I feel about that, it makes me just feel sick. That is usually an indicator to stop, right?

    I don’t do it as often as I used to, rarely in fact. I think for many though, it’s a habit… a habit of judgement. I think your suggestion are great and if people will try implementing I think they will feel good about themselves. Over time it gets easier to stay out of that kind of talk. We need to lift each other up not pull them down. They do seem to sense it even if they don’t actually HEAR the words.

    Thanks for the great tips.

    [Reply]

    Betsy Reply:

    Thank you Melissa! The sick feeling is totally the indicator! It is such a habit for so many people. I agree that if they listened to their words and knew that somehow the people might feel that something had been said about them, people would stop, at least some of the time!
    Thank you for your great comment!

    [Reply]

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