Give The Best Gift This Holiday Season… Unconditional Love

Conditional Love - the best holiday gift“And the Grinch, with his Grinch-feet ice cold in the snow, stood puzzling and puzzling, how could it be so? It came without ribbons. It came without tags. It came without packages, boxes or bags. And he puzzled and puzzled ’till his puzzler was sore. Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before. What if Christmas, he thought, doesn’t come from a store. What if Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.” ~Dr. Seuss

So what’s the gift you should give your child (or spouse, parents, in-laws, co-workers) this year? The gift I’m thinking of won’t cost you a dime. It’s UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! What is unconditional love? It’s accepting a person, faults and accomplishments, no matter what they do. Pure and Simple. Unconditional Love is the greatest gift you can give your children or other loved ones this Christmas.

If asked, I’m sure you’d say that you love your children and other family members unconditionally. That is, until they do something annoying or something you feel isn’t good for them. That would be conditional love.

What is conditional love? It’s love with conditions. It’s telling someone you love what you don’t like about them. Or it’s how you think they could live their lives better. I see people giving conditional love everywhere, especially with children. I’ve done it myself. I’ve had it done to me. Remember when you were “good” as a child, you felt loved. If you were “bad”, that love disappeared. I can hear many parents say to themselves: “If only she had better grades. If only he were better at sports. If only she made more money. If only he kept a neater room.” If only, if only, if only. When a person is loved conditionally, he or she knows it. It gives a child or an adult a sense of unworthiness.

Unconditional love is understanding if the people we love make foolish mistakes or disappoint us, that we love them just as much anyway. This kind of love binds us together in ways we can’t imagine. It’s the love you want for yourself. And amazingly if you give that love, you often get the same love back.

Some people think that if you show unconditional love to your children that you’re not setting boundaries or limits anymore and that your children will walk right over you. Not so. Showing this love is simply a different way of talking. For instance, if your toddler is biting, you can say, “Biting is bad” not “You’re bad when you bite”. Or if your teenager is what you consider lazy, don’t say “You’re lazy!” but “I think you’d be much happier with a job and making money.” It’s all how you say it. This way will become a habit over time and you’ll notice a change with your children.

So here’s some advice for giving the gift of unconditional love, the gift that keeps giving all year-long!

1. Hold your tongue when you feel like criticizing, nagging or getting angry. Reevaluate if it’s worth mentioning and remember…it’s the behavior that’s bad not the child. Try to be unattached to the bad behavior and take the anger and emotion out.

“Think twice before you speak, because your words and influence will plant the seed of either success or failure in the mind of another.”
~Napoleon Hill

2. Treasure your children (and the other people in your life). Don’t wait for a tragedy to realize how important they are in your life.

“Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change, you love them as they are.”
~Isabel Allende

3. Another thing I like to do is find a picture of my children when they’re between 1-5 years old. I remember this perfect baby/child/person my child is. And I see that same person the next time I see them. You feel the same flow of unconditional love for your child that you did when he was a baby. And they feel your love come through.

“The ultimate lesson all of us have to learn is unconditional love, which includes not only others but ourselves as well.”
~Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

4. Unconditional love does not spoil your child. Period!

“The greatest gift that you can give to others is the gift of unconditional love and acceptance.”
Brian Tracy

5. When I’m mad or disappointed in my children, I sometimes imagine that something has happened to them. This may sound gruesome but I imagine that they have cancer and their head has no hair or that they’re in a wheel chair. My eyes will always fill with tears. Then I’ll think about what I’m mad or worried about and decide it’s not so bad at all!

“Don’t wait until there is tragedy in your life. Don’t wait until you lose somebody. Don’t wait until it’s too late. Appreciate the beautiful people that you have in your life now.”
~Katie Piper

6. Be excited for the plans your loved one is making. A friend mentioned to me that sometimes she has to “fake it til she makes it”. In other words be excited for whatever your child is into even or especially if you disapprove! Starting a band? Great! Building a tree house? Go for it! Making a life size T-Rex? How can I help?

“If you light a lamp for somebody, it will also brighten your path.”

7. Lastly, give the gift of unconditional love to strangers. Yes, strangers! When you open a door for someone or just pass by and smile, send out a thought of love. Send unconditional love and compassion into the lives of others and out into the world. The world needs more compassion!

Unconditonal Love... pass it forward and start a chain reaction.

Unconditonal Love… pass it forward and start a chain reaction.

So this holiday season give the people you love unconditional love and even the people who don’t know. It’s the gift that will keep on giving for you and the rest of your family and friends.

Check out my books on Amazon (Click on the image of the book) or at The Zen Mama Bookstore where you can get the books at a discount and signed!

Also, I had a wonderful conversation with Laura and Mark over at Enjoy Life Slowly! You’ll find the interview under Simplifying Parenting. Come listen here!

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4 Responses to Give The Best Gift This Holiday Season… Unconditional Love

  1. Ellen Bard says:

    Some lovely quotes you’ve included here Betsy, and advice that applies to all relationships for me as I don’t have any children myself. I’m not sure I’ve quite managed to get to completely unconditional love, but I’m working on it!

    Wishing you and your loved ones a wonderful holiday season x


  2. This is a lovely post, Betsy. I love this line, “Unconditional Love is the greatest gift you can give your children or other loved ones this Christmas.” It is easy to fall into the habit of putting conditions on your love, sometimes without even realizing. it. This is a great reminder and one to save and reread. Thank you!


  3. Wonderful reminders, especially the one about loving strangers. It seems we’re guilty of so much bad behavior at the holidays that it’s nice to take a moment to give love just for the joy of it.


  4. Mercury says:

    I do #5 all the time and it makes me feel terrible. I mean, why do I have to imagine my children are dying in order to overlook the “spilled milk”? It makes me think there’s something wrong with me.


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