Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars.
You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.
-- Author Unknown
Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head.
-- Ann Landers
When I let go of what I am, I become what I might be.
-- Lao Tzu
We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned,
so as to accept the life that is waiting for us.
-- Joseph Campbell
The subtitle of my book is 13 Ways to Stop Worrying, Let Go and Become Closer To Your Kids. I have been able to let go (mostly) of the control, anger and issues I had as mother and have become closer to my kids as a result. It’s been freeing...a release! Nobody fell apart, life became easier for everyone and happiness (mostly) is the result.
But the other day I ran into someone who had caused our family great pain with personal attacks. This happened years ago, so I had forgiven and I thought I’d let go of my emotional attachment. But when I came into contact with this person, I found my face flushing and many of the emotions I’d felt came back. A toxic feeling flowed through my body. Had I not really let go?
I’ve also talked to people who’ve picked up my book, seen the words “Let Go” on the cover and said:
“I’ve read that phrase hundreds of times, yet I don’t know how to do it.”
“I talked to my minister about it and I try but I just can’t.”
“My yoga teacher tells me to let go but how do I do it?”
“If I let go, the people around me will also fail.”
“What will people think of me if I let go?”
Letting go is not easy and sometimes seems impossible!
What is Letting Go? It’s to become at peace with a person, a place or a situation that has happened to you. It’s letting go of control, becoming content and surrendering to God/the Universe/Fate. Letting go is making a decision to release yourself from the situation, place or person that plagues you.
THE CHATTER IN YOUR BRAIN
Change your thoughts and you change your world.
What is the chatter inside your brain?
I will fall apart.
Will my family/workplace fall apart? Only I can take care of them.
Life will be awful.
I will never be happy again.
I won't know what to do with the rest of my life.
They will be angry at me.
I have to defend my action to others.
I have to be sure this is the right thing to do first.
People won’t understand my decision.
My life will be empty.
Maybe right now you’re living with the thing that is making you crazy/unhappy/making you feel out of control and giving you sleepless nights. It’s time to make a decision to change. You will immediately feel a little better when you make a decision to change the way you’re living or the way you think.
WHAT ARE THE OBSTACLES?
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
~Henry Ford
A Place:
A place has power, good or bad. Maybe you don’t want to move from where you live, but must for financial reasons. Or maybe you don’t want to go home, especially if you had an unhappy childhood. Places are filled with memories and emotions.
A Failure:
Facing a failure means coming out of denial and accepting the consequences. This could be a job, a relationship or not getting into the college you wanted. Maybe it’s a failure of a loved one.
An Ideal:
An ideal is the idea of perfection that you have for yourself or for others...I should be married by now, I should be living in this type of house, I should be 10 pounds lighter. My children should be getting scholarships, be potty trained now, be sweeter to those around him.
A Person:
A person is the most difficult to let go, whether it’s a death, disappointment with the person or letting go of what appeared to be true love.
Control, fear, responsibility, memories.....how do I let go???
HOW TO LET GO
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1. Make a decision to change.
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2. Identify the obstacle and the emotion that’s tied to it and how it’s been hurtful to you.
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3. Remove yourself: You might need to leave your job, stop seeing the person, separate yourself.
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4. Have no more expectations. You can’t be disappointed by people or life if you have no expectations. This is difficult.
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5.Write, draw, and talk - Use your right brain, the creative and intuitive side - try a gratitude journal, a sketchbook or photography. Find someone to talk to so that you can take the pain out of yourself.
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6.Give up the need to be right.
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7.You might need help. Seek professional help but you might also find help through: Read relevant books, online websites, try practicing yoga or meditation. Yoga and meditation helps get rid of the chatter in your brain.
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8.The old adage “Time Heals All” is true.
For me, writing helps tremendously. I can write down what I’m feeling and give advice. Then I can reread my writing and follow my own advice!! Other things that help me are: a good night’s sleep, Yoga and immersing myself in a good book.
You may never be over that person, place or other obstacle completely. But by trying to let go you will direct yourself in another direction and hopefully find peace.
“Everyone and everything around you is your teacher.”
~Ken Keyes
