“It's fear of the unknown. The unknown is what it is.
And to be frightened of it is what sends
everybody scurrying around chasing dreams, illusions,
wars, peace, love, hate, all that--it's all illusion.
Unknown is what it is. Accept that it's unknown
and it's plain sailing. Everything is unknown--
then you're ahead of the game.
That's what it is. Right?”
~John Lennon
Imagine yourself holding tightly to a rope. The Unknown is on the other end of the rope. You hold it tightly, trying to control it. It’s kind of scary not knowing what’s on the other end of the rope. When you hold the rope, there’s tension in your muscles and in your face. This tension can make you angry. Or you may feel fear that you could lose your grip and then control of the rope.
Worry is a lot like holding on to that rope. Life is the Unknown.
WHY DO WE WORRY ABOUT OUR CHILDREN?
The Unknown causes Fear - fear of change, fear of losing control, fear of the pressures from the outside world: the culture, our families and our schools. The Unknown can be so many things: financial pressures, how will I care for my aging parents, weight gain, and marriage issues to name a few. But as a mother (or father) know, worry over our children can all consuming.
Because of worry:
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1. You can become angry and resentful.
2. You begin to sweat the small stuff.
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3. You don’t see the person that you worry about as an individual but only what you want them to be.
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4. You nag and nagging doesn’t work; it drives a wedge between the “nagger” and the “naggie”.
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5. Guilt over whether you are parenting well can be terrible and also cause great worry.
Who is the one most hurt by all this worry? Certainly not the Unknown or the person who is causing the worry. You! But letting go can be extremely difficult. Some ways to let go:
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1.Become a Zen Mama (Parent).
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2.Live in the moment. Practice mindfulness.
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3.Change your mindset - “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
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4. Find out what your children are really interested in.
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5. Practice kindness.
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6. Stop being angry.
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7. Love your children unconditionally.
Back to the rope: Let go a little of the rope. You can hold on loosely to it. It sags and doesn’t break. The tension is gone. You’re still holding on. Just in a different way. The Unknown is still out there but you no longer trying to control it. You can calm down. And let go of some of the worry.
It’s like the lyrics to the Song “Hold on Loosely”
Just Hold On Loosely,
but don't let go
If you cling too tightly,
you're gonna lose control
Your baby needs someone to believe in
And a whole lot of space to breathe in
And who knows. A lot of what we worry about never happens anyway.
“I am an old man and have know a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.”
~Mark Twain.
