What’s wisdom?  Changing your relationship with people by changing yourself.  That’s Wisdom!                                     ~ The Zen Mama

Things don’t change.  You change your way of looking, that’s all.                                                                               ~ Carlos Casteneda

You must be the change you wish to see in the world.                                                                                                         ~ Mahatma Ghandi

A year ago I was going crazy!  I wasn’t sure my son was going to graduate from high school. He had a severe case of “senioritis”.  He kept telling me, “You’re so pessimistic.  Of course I’ll graduate.”  He’d never been much of a student during his high school years.  But this was the worst!  With the grades he had in his 2nd semester (including swimming!!) not graduating was a possibility.  I was so angry.  I was such a nag.  I couldn’t sleep at night.  Finally, I realized I couldn’t live like this anymore.  I couldn’t change him.  I couldn’t make him get the grades he needed.  So, after doing everything I could, I let go. (And I wrote a book, HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA, during the nights I was up.)

I ended up telling him, “Well, that’s ok if you don’t graduate. You can still live at home and attend community college.  We’d love to have you!”

That’s when he decided to change.  He pulled everything together.  He did graduate as you can see in the above picture.  And he loves college!  He loves living in the mountain town of Durango, Colordo so much that he is staying there for the summer.  He has a great job at a French restaurant making more than enough money to live on his own.  (And he speaks French, which is his major, with the French speaking customers.)  And he continues to enjoy the music he loves.  In fact, he bought an accordion.

Did he change so much that he had all straight A’s his freshman year.  No.  Is he happy? Yes! I think he’s never been happier. I’ve changed my reaction to him.  I’ve seen him as a musician, a hard worker, not a school student but a student of life with great common sense.

A friend of mine recently told me a story of how her 5 year old was driving her crazy!  She went to a spa where they practiced mindfulness, took yoga classes and discussed solving their problems in a group.  After she finished explaining her problems with her son, how he drove her crazy, why his personality caused problems in the family, the man turned to her and said he could help her solve her problem.  She eagerly look at him and he said, “Change yourself and your reaction to him.”  She did change. Over the last three she has seen a huge improvement in her relationship with her son.

"I have found the best way to give advice to your children is to find out what they want and then advise them to do it." ~ Harry S. Truman

You cannot change other people. Humanity has tried to do this through the ages.  Girlfriends and wives have tried to change their men.  Parents have tried to control their children.  It doesn’t work!  It never has.  There is always some problem when you try to change and control another person.

We can only change ourselves.  When we don’t like something, we need to change our reaction to the people we love.  They are on their own path.  They are individuals.  And when you see them as an individual, you can accept them and get along much better.

What you see depends on what you're looking for.                                                                                                                Life is 10% of what happens to me and 90% of how I react to it.  

~  John Maxwell