Welcome to the Zen Mama’s Blog You find ideas here on how to stop worrying, let go and be closer to your kids. You’ll find ideas on education and Buddhism. You’ll find ideas on how to live life without anger and control. My Blog is intended to be a companion to the book, How To Be A Zen Mama, 13 Ways To Stop Worrying, Let Go and Be Closer to Your kids. Let Go - Get Closer!

How Betsy Got Her Zen Back

Thu, 2 Sep 2010 16:55:18 -0600

“If you concentrate on finding whatever is good in every situation,
you will discover that your life will suddenly be filled with gratitude,
a feeling that nurtures the soul.”
~Rabbi Harold Kushne

Oh, I’ve had a cranky week!

As many of you know, I’m a preschool teacher by day. Preschool started on Monday. I’m always tired that first week. I’m fine during the day with my new students. However, then I come home clean the house, clean the kitchen, do the laundry, go to a Back-to-School night, drive to football practice, and figure out a way to pay the cell phone bill. I’ve a headache two days in a row. And, there’s no Ibuprofen in the house! I was feeling sorry for myself because I hadn’t sold any Zen Mama books in the past few weeks. Waa,Waa,Waa!

Here are some of the ways I was cranky to my family:

• I yelled at my youngest Oliver when he said he didn’t like Burritos anymore...right after I made him one.
• I told my son Charlie that he couldn’t go hang with his friends...even though he finished his homework.
• When I had to do housework instead of relaxing on my morning off...I pouted.
• I wasn’t much fun to sit and talk with this morning!

Today is Thursday. I think I’d snapped at everyone by 9:00. I even got mad at our poor old dog who wouldn’t stop following me around! My husband said, “Hey, where’s the Zen Mama?” I grumbled, “Well, I don’t feel very Zen this week.” Then I went to work on the dishes.

By 10:00 I was in the shower and the advice I like to give, which is a quote by Wayne Dyer, popped into my head. “If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” Wow! Did I need to do that!

First I took some deep breaths. I think was holding my breath a lot. I cleared my head and just breathed... and used up a lot of hot water. As I drank my coffee, I thought about all the great things in our life. I am so grateful for my children. The little problems that I might have with them are nothing compared to the joy they bring to my life. I am so grateful for my husband. I love our morning coffee talks and all the support he gives. I have a great job with hard working people and a wonderful house. Yes, my attitude was changing from crankiness into one of gratitude. By the time I got into to the car to go to my afternoon class, my head had cleared and I felt calm.

It’s amazing how your world comes together when one starts thinking Zen and gratitude. I left my lunch on the kitchen table but my teaching partner brought me a breakfast Burrito. A check from a bookstore arrived in the mail for just a little more than that cell phone bill. I sold a book on Amazon and got an order online. Then I was contacted by two stores that would like to sell my books. My attitude had changed. I saw all the good in life. Maybe all this good stuff was happening when I was in my cranky mood but I didn’t notice. I guess you need the bad moods for balance so you appreciate the good. I only hope I don’t need them too often. And so does my family!

“Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn’t learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn’t learn a little, at least we didn’t get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn’t die; so, let us all be thankful.”
~ Buddha

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Practice Makes Perfect

Wed, 25 Aug 2010 12:50:27 -0600

“Practice is the best of all instructors”
~ Publilius Syrus

“An ounce of practice is worth more than tons of preaching.”
~ Mahatma Gandhi

My youngest son knows all about practice. He loves to practice whatever his latest obsession is. This summer he began playing tennis. He’s not content just to enjoy a game. He wants to win and is at his best when there’s competition. It amazes me that practice to him is so much fun!!

I just went to his back-to-school night a few days ago. Something his math teacher said to me really resonates. “I’m not going to call our work at home ‘homework’. It has a negative connotation. I’m going to call it ‘practice.’ ”

Practice is a verb and noun. It’s a condition, for example, “she’s out of practice”. It’s a profession, i.e. “my dentist has a practice as well as our doctor and vet”. The definition of practice is: drill, learn by repetition, translating an idea into action, commit, engage in or perform. It’s an idea I’ve been thinking about for a while as I explore the world of Buddhism.

Practice keeps coming up in my life this summer. Especially as I explore Buddhism. I’ve asked people in know, “Do you consider Buddhism a path to follow, a practice or a religion?” I had two different replies:

1. My friend, Brian replied that, “The answer is personal. For me it's a practice and you will find most Zen practitioners saying the same thing. Tibetan Buddhist would be more inclined to call theirs a religion. Buddhists in Japan would call theirs a religion as it is a cultural norm.”

2. My other friends replied that “there's a huge debate going on in the Buddhist blogosphere about this as we speak. In our view, Buddhism is a religion. The Eightfold Path is the path that the Buddhist religion provides/suggests. Meditation is the practice it suggests. Religion comes from the Latin "religio" which means to bind together. People who subscribe to the Buddhist thought/path and practice are bound together through it all.”

I’ve also checked this on websites. When asked whether Buddhism is a religion, Buddhanet.com states:

To many, Buddhism goes beyond religion and is more of a philosophy or 'way of life'. It is a philosophy because philosophy 'means love of wisdom' and the Buddhist path can be summed up as:

1. to lead a moral life 2. to be mindful and aware of thoughts and actions
1. to develop wisdom and understanding 
Buddhism explains a purpose to life, it explains apparent injustice and inequality around the world, and it provides a code of practice or way of life that leads to true happiness.

For me it’s a practice, a path and a way of life. During the last year or so, I have read, studied and put into practice the principles I’m learning. Here are the principles that I’m “translating into action”:

• Generosity
• Humor
• Kindness
• Gratefulness
• Mindfulness
• Compassion
• Faith and Trust
• Positive Thought
• Letting Go of worry, doubt and anger
• Finding my passion which ultimately leads to my happiness and the happiness of those around me.

These aren’t just Buddhist practices; these are universal truths. They can be found in every religion. They are even American truths that lead to what we hold sacred, Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Happiness.

“All Buddhism aims to be a path that leads to enlightenment (Nirvana) .”
Katinka Hesselink

Happy Blogiversary!

Thu, 19 Aug 2010 21:47:38 -0600

“An anniversary is a time to celebrate the joys of today, the memories of yesterday, and the hopes of tomorrow.”
~Author Unknown

While I was saying goodbye to my oldest son and getting ready for my job as a preschool teacher, I missed my Blogiversary!

Just recently, I wondered if “blogiversary” was even a real word so I googled it. The Urban dictionary defines Blogiversary as: The yearly anniversary of someone’s web-log (blog).

Last August 7th, 2009 I wrote my first blog post, Who is Buddha and What Is Zen?. My second, Life Is Fragile, came just the next week and I was on my way, posting at least once a week. I just thought I’d write every now and then with thoughts that were similar to my book, HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA, but didn’t quite fit in the book. I had no idea the blog would take on a life of it’s own.

Last August I had no idea what an adventure I would have and how much I would learn. I have found out so many things about how to make a blog and website. I learned a lot about social networks like the SITs Girls, Lady Bloggers, Midchix, Twittermoms, Facebook, Theta Mom and Twitter. Last August, I didn’t know what a widget, button or html was. I didn’t know how to upload a Youtube video. I’ve learned to register my blog with sitemeter, google analytics and feedburner. I even learned to make my own video to promote my book. I especially learned about how important comments are to the blogger.

The blog has become such a big part of my life. It seems like everything that happens to me can now become a blog post. My husband is even starting to say, “Hey, that’s a good idea for a blog post.”

What also amazes me is that my blog has attracted people from around the world. Of the last 500 visitors, 75% are from the US. I can see that I’ve had readers from every continent, countries like Canada, Russia, Norway, the Netherlands, Sweden, France, Italy, Spain, Dubai, New Zealand, Australia, Thailand, China, Japan, Nepal, Egypt, and Peru. It’s humbling!

world map picture.

A snapshot of my last 500 visitors

I want to give special thanks to some of my bloggie friends who have written such nice comments. Thanks for supporting me throughout the year:

Michelle at Some Girl’s website
Lori at Mommyfriend
Sheila at My Aventine
Melissa at Confessions of a Dr. Mom
Julie at A Place For Thoughts
Angela at Powered by Intuition
Jen at Life’s Little Lessons
JB at Homemaker’s Pensieve

I’d also like to thanks my editors, my husband, John, and my father, Ted. And many thanks to my sister- in-law, Susie, who sends me a wonderful response every time she reads a post.

If you’re new to Zen Mama, you may want to read What Is A Zen Mama, and the About Me. Some of my favorite posts are:

Did Getting Mad Find the Sock Any Faster
Stretch Yourself, But Don’t Stress Yourself
Embracing Mindfulness

It’s almost the anniversary of publishing my book, HOW TO BE A ZEN MAMA. Hey, that would make another great blog post! Look for it in a month!

Saying Goodbye to Our Oldest, Again

Thu, 12 Aug 2010 22:04:42 -0600

“Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation. “
~Kahlil Gibran

“Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened.”
~Theodor Seuss Geisel

Today our 19 year old son left for his sophomore year at Fort Lewis College in Durango, Colorado. Just after I started my blog last year, we took him to college. In fact it’s my fourth entry, Time to Take Our Oldest To College. It was a new experience for us. We had no idea how we’d feel and what to expect. But by the end of last summer we were all ready to say goodbye. Saying goodbye today was different.

Let me set the story up: This spring, our son announced he wanted to stay in his college town for the summer. He wanted to live “in the woods”. At first, I thought no! (although I didn’t say “No” out loud. I’m a “Yes” Mom! That’s a chapter in my book, How to Be A Zen Mama). “Sure honey, that’s great!” At the same time I’m thinking, “This will never happen”.

Then he dropped the “T” bomb. “I want to be like Henry David Thoreau when he lived at Walden Pond.” It was like a magic wand was waved. My son wanted to be like Thoreau! How could an almost English major say no to that?

So all summer long our son lived in Durango in southwestern Colorado. He rafted, camped constantly, hiked, and jumped off cliffs into the Animas River. On top of that, he worked hard at a restaurant and supported himself all summer. He had some very good friends with whom he could stay if he got tired of the woods. We are very proud that he was able to support himself!!

He just came home for two weeks before he had to go back to school. We had a wonderful time. As the day to leave drew near we all got much sadder than we did last summer. We noticed a change in him. He seemed more serious and didn’t really want to go out with his friends. He wanted to stay longer. We said yes. But in the end he knew he had responsibilities to go back to. He needed to find a new job and find a new place to live. He wants to do much better at school. And so this morning, we said goodbye!

My parents gave him a ride back to school. After we said goodbye, we went back inside, feeling quite bereft. Then we found a little piece of purple paper. A note left behind. It was a heartfelt thank you note, a love letter from an appreciative child to his parents. I won’t tell you everything since it’s a little personal. However, he called his Dad his life coach and wrote how proud he was of me. He wrote that his goal is to have as loving a family as ours. As you can imagine, we cried. I felt like we’d come full circle. Our baby has become a man.

Goodbyes are not forever.
Goodbyes are not the end.
They simply mean I'll miss you
Until we meet again!
~Author Unknown

7 Reasons To Take Your Kids Camping

Tue, 3 Aug 2010 09:29:32 -0600

Family memories and traditions are very important to great family relationships. Memories need to be built over time. An annual camping trip is a wonderful way to make those memories. Enjoy the fresh air outdoors and the laid back atmosphere. You know the old argument about whether quality time is better than quantity time. This is quality and quantity time!

It can be a pain. A lot of work and planning for a Zen Mama!! But the planning makes it possible for you to be Zen while you’re there! Camping with little ones can be exhausting, dirty and maybe even dangerous around the campfire. Teenagers act like they don’t want to go and certainly won’t take that hike. But it’s worth it! Think of the funny stories you can reminisce about later. Even if it’s just in your backyard.

We’ve been camping for years and my boys have developed a great love of the outdoors. We just spent a long weekend camping in the Maroon Bells Wilderness near Aspen. We have an exchange student from Peru here and thought we’d take him to one of the most beautiful spots in all of Colorado. We camped two nights. We took one of the most beautiful hikes to Crater Lake. Everyone jumped into the ice cold river. I was thinking of all the the ways you get closer to your
kids while you camp.

7 Reasons Camping Helps You Get Closer To Your Kids:

1. No Modern Technology - Leave your busy world behind!
Only caveman technology like lighting a fire, feeding yourself
and getting comfortable at night.

1. Teamwork Building - Make sure everyone helps with the camping
chores, like setting up the tents. There’s a great feeling of accomplishment
and teamwork after everything is set up. The youngest kids
can help fill up water bottles, carry pillows to the tent, hammer
down the stakes, collect firewood.

1. So Happy Together - Teenagers, who are constantly
looking for a way to leave the house, are stuck with you! You are all together! Have some good jokes or riddles ready! Or a fabulous ghost story.

1. Get Dirty - You get to be dirty camping. You don’t shower or even brush your hair! (I did brush my teeth. Did the boys? Very doubtful!)

1. Gratitude for Nature - Kids aren’t outdoors enough these days. Camping is a great way to develop their love of the outdoors. Don’t listen to your kids if they say they don’t want to hike. They love it anyway. They’ll be the first to to the top! Teaching kids to respect nature is important.

1. Let the Rules Slide a little. Let them do things you maybe don’t let them do at home; like playing in the mud or collecting every rock. Let them to be the leader on a hike. Have a marshmallow before dinner.

1. Time - When you’re camping, you have time. Time to listen, time to sit still, time to enjoy and appreciate nature.

Helpful hints to make everyone happy:
A little planning goes a long way...

1. Bring a deck of cards or some other games. We are all so busy at home and rarely played cards.We played spoons and laughed so hard!

1. Have plenty of snacks.

1. Keep dishes and chores to a minimum for yourself! (paper plates and foil) Ask for help.

1. Sleeping well in the fresh air is very important to my husband and me. We brought pillows and have an inexpensive air mattress from Walmart. Our mattress blower plugs into the car so we can never run out of batteries

1. Have plenty of wood. The fire makes the camp. Coals for the fire are a great way to get it started.

1. We’re a little gourmet when it comes to our camping meals and our morning coffee. Planning makes it simple! We have a coffee press and we bring pre-ground coffee. Please see below for our simple meals!

1. You may get stuck in the tent while it’s raining. Take advantage of a nap with everyone snuggled up. Make shadow puppets on the tent wall with a flashlight. Play the games you never have time to play at home.

Great Meals that keep the parents and kids happy!!
Food tastes so good outdoor! But MAKE IT EASY! You don’t want to be stuck doing dishes or cooking a lot. Use tin foil. No dirty pans then! Bring food that pre-made and wrapped, like un-crustables and yogurts and cans of beans. Prepare by cutting up onions and precooking potatoes. Hot dogs are also great for kids. Here’s two tinfoil recipes that worked out great for our trip.

For the Kids: Our Peruvian Exchange student came up with this tinfoil bagel recipe:
Bagels, Lunch meat, cheese wrapped in tinfoil. My older sons added onions. The cheese melted perfectly!

For Mom, Dad and the adventurous eaters: We made this side dish for us and our older teens. Cut up zucchini and add precooked potatoes. add pads of butter, cream cheese and Monterey Jack (or any other cheese you have). I threw in a little white wine, too. It took minutes to make and you could have ready to go from home.

For the main dish, I brought tilapia. I put it in the tin foil with capers, lemons, precut onion, pads of butter and a little white wine. It took just a few minutes to throw together.

Cook it on the fire. You have to guess the length of time.depending on the fire size. Ours took about 10 minutes.

Yum!!! The food was very hot, the juices had all steamed together. It tasted so good that I’ve vowed to cook the fish this way forever!

You might want a bottle of wine. We had a bottle of Clayhouse red wine.

And of course, don’t forget the S’mores!

So, take the opportunity to reconnect with your family, get closer to your kids, appreciate the beautiful places of your world and enjoy delicious food! And of course, have fun!

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Happy Birthday, JK Rowling and Harry Potter!

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 08:14:55 -0600

July 31st is the birthdate of JK Rowling and her creation, Harry Potter. For many summers of my two oldest lives, we read the Harry Potter series. We started when when my brother and sister in law introduced Book One. Max was eight and Charlie was six. My brother and sister in law live in San Francisco and at the time were teachers at a school where a lot of people traveled internationally. It was a book that was taking England by storm but very few people had heard of it here. We were immediately enthralled! Andy and Susie inspired me to read the book with different voices for each character. How we loved Hagrid and Dumbledore! We were so scared by Voldemort. We laughed at the Weasleys. We cried (or at least I did) about Harry’s life. They grew up with Harry! We were thrilled each time a book was published. We went to Harry Potter Parties at midnight at the bookstores. We ate chocolate when we read about dementors. We were the first in line to get the first book out of the first box for book #7. Harry Potter got both my older boys reading huge thick novels as if they were a piece of cake. Thank you J.K. Rowling!

Now, each summer comes and I miss the excitement of a new Harry Potter book. Yes, we’ve seen the movies and love them but the books are so wonderfully written, so full of heart, that there is nothing to compare. The movies ruined the books a little for my youngest. We have read them but it’s not the same when he has seen what’s already happened. If you haven’t read the Harry Potter series please don’t see the movies first! Make it the best reading experience you and you’re kids have! And read them out loud until they don’t want you to read to them any more and your children want to read the books on their own.

Here’s some Harry Potter Wisdom to live by!

It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live.
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore

Where your treasure is, there will your heart be also.
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

Ah, music. A magic beyond all we do here!
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

It is our choices...that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

It's a strange thing, but when you are dreading something, and would give anything to slow down time, it has a disobliging habit of speeding up.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire

If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Spoken by Sirius Black.

Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

Curiosity is not a sin.... But we should exercise caution with our curiosity... yes, indeed.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

You place too much importance... on the so-called purity of blood! You fail to recognize that it matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be!
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

Dark and difficult times lie ahead. Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.
Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

His priority did not seem to be to teach them what he knew, but rather to impress upon them that nothing, not even... knowledge, was foolproof.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

The mind is not a book, to be opened at will and examined at leisure. Thoughts are not etched on the inside of skulls, to be perused by an invader. The mind is a complex and many-layered thing.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Spoken by Severus Snape.

Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike.
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more.
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Spoken by Albus Dumbledore.

We got the first book out of the first box for number 7 at a midnight book party

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Self-Doubt and Viewfinder Thinking

Tue, 20 Jul 2010 17:35:42 -0600

“There is nothing more dreadful than the habit of doubt. Doubt separates people.
It is the poison that disintegrates friendships and breaks up pleasant relationships.
It is a thorn that irritates and hurts. It is a sword that kills.”
~ Buddha

“Sometimes, looking back, we wonder why we are doing all this,
and sometimes we think, why not?”
~ Trungpa Rinpoche

A few mornings ago I woke up with the shadow of doubt over me. The doubt was as dark as a storm cloud. As I lay in bed, before I even opened my eyes, I questioned everything. Now, normally I wake up feeling like the sun, warm and happy with great thoughts for a wonderful day. Life can happen and change my mood. I’ve always felt lucky to wake up this way. But back to that darkness, what was I doubting? Some doubt had to do my writing, some with my child raising. You know, that “parental guilt” that sometimes seems to seep into our minds.

Have I done enough for kids? Am I raising them right? Should I push more? Should I let go more?
My youngest has turned into a teenager overnight! What can I do differently this time around?
Should I be doing all this blogging?
Can I write another book?
Is this one even any good?
Where was my sunny, old self??

Then I realized I had to have faith. And it suddenly popped into my head that doubt is the opposite of faith. The absence of faith is doubt! And vise versa!

As a mother, I need to embrace the doubt I’m feeling and invite in the invisible faith. What can we do to conquer doubt?

1. Call or talk to someone who loves you, your husband, your mother, your sister or your best friend. Call someone who will help with your mood.

1. Stop focusing on what you’re doing wrong. Think about your successes with your kids.

1. Breathe! It will bring you back into the present moment and clear your head.

1. Exercise. Fresh oxygen to the brain and movement will make you think and feel better.

1. Give life time! Success with kids, books or other projects doesn’t always happen overnight! Time will tell.

6. Keep the faith and stay optimistic. It’s your choice. I like this quote:

“We can let the circumstances of our lives harden us so that we become increasingly resentful and afraid,
or we can let them soften us and make us kinder and more open to what scares us. We always have this choice.”
~Pema Chödrön

My husband uses his viewfinder analogy. You know the old viewfinders we had as kids. When you’ve had enough of the critical and doubtful thinking...especially self-doubt, there is nothing better than clicking the view finder...advancing to the next picture...finding your next view! (He says viewfinder thinking has taken at least 5 strokes off his golf game this year!. Just tell yourself you can do it, no one out there is any better than you, you’ve hit the ball straight and far before...you can do it again ) Look, without attachment, and go on to the next picture...It’s easy, it’s fun and it’s good for you!

There are no promises of happy endings. The ending might not be what you thought it would be. Maybe life is filled with happy moments instead. At the end of my day during which I contemplated doubt and faith, I noticed I had a phone message. My phone hadn’t even rung. It was my oldest calling late from Durango after work at a French restaurant. The message was filled with pride. He had waited on a librarian from Durango who knew my book at the library. He was so proud that the book was at the library. He said, “Mom, you better write another book!” Now if that’s not a happy ending, what is?

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Check One Thing Off The List!

Thu, 15 Jul 2010 14:48:22 -0600

“Lists are the butterfly nets that catch my fleeting thoughts....”
~Betsy Cañas Garmon

The beginning of the summer holds much promise for all teachers. We all have a list of things to do that include hobbies, quality time with family, vacations and sometimes summer jobs. This summer I had many items on my list for Zen Mama...

1. Start a new book.
2. Continue to update and learn about blogs and websites.
3. Get caught up on the accounting.
4. Make a promotional video.

...to name a few.

Well, I can check one thing off the list. I spent the last week making a video and here it is!

Please take a look! I hope you’ll enjoy it!

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Meditation Monday #3

Mon, 12 Jul 2010 07:56:04 -0600

“Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it.”
~ Henry David Thoreau.

“I’d like to be the ideal mother, but I’m too busy raising my kids.”
~ Unknown

Lillian-Juda Leonard-Beach has inspired me to join her group, Meditation Monday. So every Monday I am going to explore ways to meditate and breathe.

Well, I can’t seem to get it together for Meditation Mondays. My plan was to go to our local Zen Center and get instruction on Meditation so I could write about the experience here on the blog. Tuesday is the evening where they offer instruction for beginners. But I looked at the calendar and every single Tuesday is busy until school starts! I was floored! Baseball games, dinner with out of town family, a college visit for our middle child, more family and our oldest son home for two weeks. What’s a busy mom to do?

So, I googled meditation for busy moms. The best advice I found for busy moms was from Brian Tanaka, of DevYou, a guest blogger on Zen Habits, (A very successful site that I highly recommend.) wrote this about mini meditations:

It’s often hard to be as focused as we’d like to be. Many things in our hectic lives interrupt our concentration and erode focus. Think: cell phones, instant messaging, email, and co-workers vying for our time and energy.
Fortunately, there are ways to counteract these forces and bring better, more relaxed focus to our activities. One way is to use “mini-meditations.”
Mini-meditations boost focus and calm your mind throughout the day. They require no fancy preparation or techniques, and you can do them anywhere in less than a minute — so they’re ideal mindfulness exercises whether you’re at home in a quiet room or in the midst of a busy day at work.
Here’s the process:
1. Stop what you’re doing. Grab a minute for yourself, and mentally set aside what you’re doing. Remember: the whole exercise takes less than a minute, so you needn’t make a big deal about finding the perfect stopping point. It’s really more a pause than a stop, and you’ll be refreshed and able to start what you’re doing again in just a little bit.
2. Close your eyes. Let your eyelids close and relax.
3. Pay attention to your breath. The core of this exercise is awareness of your breath. You needn’t do anything special with it — just breathe normally, but do pay attention to the sensation of your breath entering and leaving your body. If you’d like, you may breathe a bit slower and more deeply than you ordinarily do.
4. Count three full inhale-exhale cycles. Inhale and exhale. As you exhale, think to yourself: one. Inhale and exhale again, and think: two. Finally, inhale and exhale, and think: three.
5. Slowly open your eyes and resume what you were doing.
That’s it! Nice and simple. Try mini-meditations periodically throughout your day, and see for yourself if it’s helpful to you.

This week I will try to be mindful and do a mini-meditation whenever I stop by a moment...

At the stoplight
Drinking coffee in the garden
Waiting in the car for the kids
Trying to fall back asleep.

While I’m being mindful and drinking my coffee, I’ll remember that every experience is good, even when it’s not! (By the way, I made that heart in my coffee totally by accident. I’m always trying to make it look beautiful and Italian but never can. It made me so happy!! Ahhh, the simple things in life...)

Kids Love Hard Work - Part 2

Wed, 7 Jul 2010 11:59:45 -0600

“Far and away the best prize that life has to offer is the chance to work hard at work worth doing.”
~Theodore Roosevelt.

“Laziness may appear attractive but work gives satisfaction.”
~Anne Frank

“There are no menial jobs, only menial attitudes.”
~William J. Bennett, the Book of Virtues

There are many times as a parent that I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Looking back, I know that we have really succeeded in teaching our three boys a great work ethic. My oldest is working at a French restaurant so he can live in his college town this summer. He’s totally supporting himself for the summer while he gets to hike, bike and raft in the mountains. My middle son ran in a few nights ago from his job at Coldstone Creamery. He’d taken everyone’s shift he could the week before our reunion and got a check for $250. My youngest has saved $1,000 for an exchange trip to Peru by walking dogs and babysitting during the school year. I am surprised though at how many of their friends aren’t working!

Dalia over at Generation X Mom inspired me to write part 2 of the Kids Love Hard Work post from a few weeks ago. She posed the question, Taking Over Your Kids Money, Is It Right? in a post she wrote. We commented/emailed back and forth about the money question. I decided that one post about kids and work wasn’t enough.

Do kids really love hard work? Well, they act like they don’t but somewhere deep in their subconsciousness, earning money and working hard gives children great confidence and independence. It also gets them ready for the real world.

Helping our children into the world of work is tough but at the same time it’s the best gift you can give your kids to become independent. If they know the equation, hard work + money = independence, they will be more motivated to get a job. While I sometimes doubt parts of my motherhood, both my husband and I have done a great job readying our children for the world of the work.

So here’s what the Zen Mama and Zen Papa suggest:

1. Money Should Not Be Readily Available: My husband and I have taught our children to work for almost everything they have wanted beyond the basic needs they require like school supplies, food, clothes, shoes etc.. We’ve jokingly called it the Deprivation Theory. Since they are rarely given money as a handout, it’s amazing how much they appreciate money when it’s given.

1. Children Must Have a Reason for Working: Our children have paid for part or all of their ski passes, ipods, trips abroad, presents for family members, a portion of their cell phone bill just to name a few. Work loses its meaning without having a goal. So, this means you shouldn’t pay for everything your child wants! We have never allowed our children to miss out. We’ve helped them if they’ve fallen short. They have an incredible work ethic because they have saved, spent and been involved in the money process. This leads to peace of mind as a parent. We know they will always be able to take care of themselves.

1. Teach Him/Her to be An Enterprising Young Man/Woman - Our neighbor once said, “An enterprising young man can make a lot of money in our neighborhood”. Boy was he right. Children have to have some kind of success to learn how to work. Help them make a flyer for dog sitting or landscaping to hand out to neighbors. Set up a lemonade stand. Give them a loan (let’s say $5 for supplies) and have them pay you back. Encourage a snow removal business. Be there to help them with their calendar. When they turn 16, go with them to businesses that need work. Even your littlest ones can help around the house and yard to earn money. Teach them to save some and spend some money. Kids love to buy things like candy and their favorite little plastic toys.

1. Children Need to be Their Own Banker - Let them fill out their deposit slips. They need some autonomy over their money. Encourage your child to keep a little spending money. After a few months, they will really see how fast money adds up.

1. Children Need to Make the Decisions - It is their money. You might not think they need an ipod or an XBox. You can give them advice. We often say, “Try to have double what you plan to spend.” While you can guide them in the right direction, sometimes children need to make unwise choices in what they buy. That way as teens and adults they will hopefully be making the right decisions. Be there as a consultant but let them make the final decisions.

I have to end with a favorite story of my two oldest working together to make money. At the time, I did not believe that children needed video games. So ours never had them when they were very little. When they were 12 and 14 their school had a magazine sale. They devised a plan when they found out that if you sold a certain amount of magazines you could get $185. They worked so hard together and won the money. They researched video games players and bought the best deal, an XBox at Costco. How could I say no to that? My fears of battles and addictions to the XBox never materialized. What lessons they learned together!! What a lesson I learned, too!!

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